Date:	2008-07-23 12:26
Subject:	SO It's Been a While
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

Long distance relationships....are they a good idea? I mean, are they even real? Are they a way to stay safe? Or are they just an illusion. I don't know about this 'single' thing I really don't.

Date:	2007-12-04 07:29
Subject:	Gone
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

He says he loves me. I love him. We can't be together. Why? He is conflicted. Confused. Whan you love someone, isn't it pretty simple?

Shit.

Date:	2007-11-13 06:43
Subject:	The Real Deal
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	Evanescence

Okay, I have hinted around about this mysterious 'other guy'. Well it's about time I see it for what it is, in black and white, so to speak.

He and I had been emailing for months as friends. Finally, after I moved out away from my husband, we took it further. He is sort of an artistic, melancholy type, and once back in June, he disappeared for about 3 weeks. I finally called him and he was eager to see me. We started back up again and now, thanks to me telling him I needed him to communicate with me, he told me he needs to take a time out again. It has been three weeks.

I want to give him the space he needs. I am in no condition to have a relationship with anyone other than what he and I have. BUT...I can't stay in the dark forever. I need him to at least give me a time frame. I really do love him, so it isn't like I can just walk away. Well, I CAN, but you know. I miss him. It hurts. He can't possibly be missing me, or he would call or email. What does that mean? WHy do men do this?

Ugh, I don't like what I see.....

Date:	2007-11-12 08:02
Subject:	I Know, I Know
Security:	Public
Mood:	crappy

I'm broken. I have a broken radar for men, too. I have to heal, but this man I am seeing is breaking my heart. I am going to walk away. Shit.

Date:	2007-11-08 06:38
Subject:	Can't
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic
Music:	Secret Life

seem to breathe. I feel grief so heavily today, I can barely hold up my head. It's like a snake coiled inside my gut, heavy with a meal. God...God...I can't seem to breathe. At least I can write. Maybe God'll hear me then.

Date:	2007-11-06 07:01
Subject:	Backasswards
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated

Okay, so I am so frustrated. My ex refuses to take the boys tonight even though he takes them T and Th nights because he suspects I have a date! OmiGOD 

I didn't tell him I was even dating, he said he was tld by a friend he saw me and my friend at the diner. I have never been to the diner with him, but I didn't lie. I haven't introduced him to the boys or anything, it's just a friendship right now, but even so, my ex has no bloody right to say anything.

Tthis is such a mess.

Date:	2007-11-01 05:50
Subject:	No Words
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated

Does it get better? When? 'Cause I've got a life I wanna live.

Date:	2007-10-22 06:19
Subject:	Ouch
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed

He used to make me coffee and toast every morning.

Last night he came over to tell the boys goodnight and drop off my oldest's video game. I was crying. He made me coffee for the morning.

And it hurts.

I don't think I have ever felt so alone. I want to make it on my own--and I will. But there is still that part of me that wants to have a knight come and sweep me off my feet.

But then I have nowhere to stand, and I've been there too many times.

~S

Date:	2007-10-18 15:44
Subject:	Anger
Security:	Public
Mood:	pissed off

I am so angry I can't see straight. It cannot be healthy to have this much anger. I hate him. How can he look at our sons in the eyes and smile and say "I love you" when he single-handedly destroyed our family?????

How can he do it? I am so hurt. I...why wasn't I enough. 

That's all. Thanks for listening.

Date:	2007-10-15 06:58
Subject:	Head vs. Heart
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	George Michael, Faith

My head tells me I can't go back to him.

My heart tells me that, too.

Then he stares at me and tells me he loves me and wants me back...and then my head remembers that he is seeing her, corresponding with another her, loves yet another her...

and my heart breaks.

Date:	2007-10-11 04:25
Subject:	Crazy Express
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

I have been a crazy woman. I want to hire a private invstigator to follow him. Why?? Am I a glutton for punishment? Yes, yes I am.

I want to know about her. I want to know about them. I need to know so I can move on. Or am I just telling myself stories again?

Date:	2007-10-10 05:17
Subject:	no sleep for you
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable

I can't sleep again.

I keep waking every hour expecting him to walk in the house. He never will.